Selfish

I had a former co-worker tell me in our conversation the other day she felt training for anything like a marathon or a breast cancer walk was "kinda selfish."  She went on to say she didn't think I was selfish, but it was a statement that stuck with me.

Am I being selfish? And is that always a bad thing? Or, like food or wine, is selfishness good in moderation?

This walk is something I really want to do. For me. It makes me feel good that I'm doing something that could help someone else. Training is helping me physically, emotionally and spiritually. Training is giving me a constant in chaos.

But my kids don't like it. They think that any minute that they are at home, I should be there to play or talk or do for them.  Selfish on their part, yes. But selfish in a very normal way for their ages.  And, right now, I'm doing the mommie juggle, trying to please all and accommodate my needs while satisfying theirs.  With my training, it's hard, but not impossible.

In other areas, though, I struggle. What is good for me personally isn't always what I've thought the best for my kids. But how long do I sacrifice my needs in order to protect them? And, if I lose myself in the sacrifice, am I really doing what is best for my kids, or am I teaching them that you can't be you if you have kids?

All these questions from one simple statement. I need more coffee!

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along.

~Margaret Culkin Banning