Taxi!

You know those magnetic signs you see on cars advertising for different businesses? I've actually considered getting one. A huge yellow one with big, black, bold letters stating--MOMMA'S TAXI. 

Now, as everyone knows, I have a job that requires me to be on the road a great deal. So I'm fairly used to the whole car thing. And I'm even pretty good at juggling about three appointments in two hours with four kids.

BUT, then I'm home and I have to be mom. And, for some reason, mom is expected to do so much more than just shuttle children from one point to another.  Here was my schedule once I officially "clocked in" as Mom.

• Get home at 5:00 p.m.
• Text son to come home and get ready for football practice.
• Begin Hamburger Helper supper which I try to teach son to prepare. (He has officially become a bottomless pit and is ALWAYS hungry. This is my attempt to save him from certain starvation.)
• Raise voice at son as he argues with me while not preparing for football practice.
• Scoop Hamburger Helper in bowl, grab fork, hand to son.
• Frantically search daughter's room for shorts and a t-shirt for cheerleaing practice.
• Rush out the door to pick up daughter from extended day with son in tow.
• Attempt not to curse the other drivers in the $#%@% bumper to bumper traffic caused by road construction. (A few choice words slipped, but they were all mumbled.)
• Pick up daughter at extended day with 7 minutes to spare.
• Receive a disappointed whine from daughter as she learns I did not have time in my day to hock the latest school fundraising whatever.
• Have daughter change from her dress into her practice outfit in the backseat of the car.
• Drop son off at football practice after thoroughly embarrassing him by trying to wipe Hamburger Helper off his chin with a licked thumb.
• Again attempt to get through the @%#& traffic to get my daughter to cheerleading practice while she continues to whine about "prizes." (By the way, if you ever hear of a mother setting fire to all fundraising items at a school, please know it's because she has lost her mind after listening to her child badger her about winning a $2.00 prize if he sells $600.00 worth of items a gazillion times.)
• Stay and watch my daughter and approximately 15 other LOUD little girls learn their dance routine/ cheers.
• Drop daughter off at home to eat supper.
• Go and pick up son from football practice.
• Come home and throw on a load of laundry.
• Homework. Meltdown. Homework. More meltdown.
• Bedtime for Bonzos.
• I type blog.

So ends my day. Except for the laundry to do, the lunches to pack, the homework to check . . .


"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after."



                                                                 — Peter De Vries