Pitied or Powerful

"You can choose to be either pitied or powerful."

Working with abused children--and just having lived long enough--I've begun to see a pattern when it comes to how people handle situations in their lives.

In the case of my work kids, I've witnessed some kids refuse to move past the abuse they've suffered to fulfill their potential. They choose instead to blame the abuse, the past abusers, therapists, DHR workers, teachers, preachers, foster parents, parents, me, ect, ect, ect for their own mistakes. It becomes easier to say, "If this or that didn't happen, I would be all better." and wallow in self-pity and recriminations than to accept that they need to make changes.

I've seen the exact opposite, also. I've witnessed children who, if they chose to sit at home and watch Jerry Springer and eat Twinkies, no one would really blame them after what they had suffered through. But these children choose to do and be more. They tell themselves, "Despite this or that happening, I will do better!" and they work hard at school or work. They also choose to admit to their own mistakes and choose to learn from them in order to become a stronger, wiser person.

What makes one person a victim and another a fighter? If I had to hazard a guess, I would say a combo of nature and nuture. I can't rearrange my kids' DNA to give them more fight, but I can provide them with the reassurance and occasional therapeutic butt-chewing to motivate them to overcome obstacles. It doesn't always work, but at least my kids know I care enough to want them to fight. Because, in my opinion, until we all stop playing victims and start fighting to improve ourselves, we will never be all that God wants us to be for ourselves and for those we love.

"If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim.”



                                   ~Richard Bach