A Good Argument

I had an argument today with someone I love. The cause of the argument is not important. The resolution of the argument is.

I've discovered in my older age that arguments usually fall into two categories: Good and Bad. Now, as simplistic as this sounds (and is), how arguments are handled in relationships is usually a good barometer of the health of the relationship.

In a good, solid relationship, an argument is never a search and destroy mission. An argument is where two people share their feelings and figure out what the heck is wrong. It's more talking than screaming, more listening than blaming, and more "Let's work this out." than "You suck!" When you have an argument, you can usually tell it's been a good one when both people, even if they still don't agree, know they are still loved and respected by the other person.

In a rocky relationship, an argument becomes a battle in a war. The winner is the one that can scream the loudest and the longest. It's not a matter of finding the problem and working towards solving it. It's a matter of proving that you are right and accepting no fault on your part. In a bad argument, "You suck!" (or similar phrases) are the norm. Everyone comes away feeling as if they were emotionally assaulted and injured.

So, today I had a good argument. I'm not sure if anything has actually been resolved yet, but I do know that, eventually, it will be. And the fact I'm able to have an argument and still feel safe in the relationship is amazing!

“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.”



                                    ~Joseph Joubert