I had to work late tonight. It was our monthly family support meeting with our kids and their foster parents. Watching the different children interact with each other is always an educational experience.
Tonight I watched a friendship nearly implode over a hit with a padded bat-like toy. The hit wasn't intended to hurt. It did. The friend who landed the painful blow hadn't been careful. So, the hurt friend was upset but was willing to forgive. He felt the need to vent his frustration at his friend's lack of consideration, though, which might have been the end of it if his offending friend had not made the following statement: "Why are you getting so upset over something so trivial?"
WOW! That did it. Although the physical blow had hurt, it was nothing to the emotional blow felt by that kid tonight. "Something so trivial." His friend -- his best friend -- had discounted what he was feeling. Had essentially dismissed him as a person.
Now, do I believe that the other friend understood that was what he was doing? Nope. Do I think the child cared that he had hurt his friend? Yep. But, this young man was feeling some guilt, some frustration, and was feeling more than a little like an animal backed into a corner. And, just like a trapped animal, this child came out fighting for his life--at least his emotional life.
At the end of the day, the friends came to an understanding. A little cool with one another, with more than a little trust lost, but still friends. Both know they could have handled the situation better, but neither were willing to say the other one was in the right. Will their friendship heal? I certainly hope so. But, if nothing else, I hope both of them have learned just how important "trivial" things can be.
“A warrior takes responsibility for his acts, for the most trivial of acts. An average man acts out his thoughts, and never takes responsibility for what he does.”
~Carlos Castaneda
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