Control

We all wish to have some degree of control in our lives. Some want more, some want less, but we all want control.

The problem with the need for control is that it is often an illusion. Oh! now, don't get me wrong! I believe we can control some things--how we act towards others; how we react to situations; the amount of coffee we drink; how many slices of chocolate cake we eat, etc. But the big stuff--our loved one being diagnosed with cancer; our job being eliminated due to downsizing; the price of everything going up while our paychecks aren't; an act of God destroying our town--these are things we can't control.

We try to delude ourselves into thinking we can control the situations. We research every known treatment for cancer and search out the best doctors; we send our resume to every company on the planet; we coupon like there is no tomorrow; we......

We WHAT? What do you do when the terrible images in front of you aren't from a movie or t.v. show? What do you do when the number of dead or missing makes your head spin? What do you do when you feel completely helpless?

I don't know. Because what you do depends on you. Some people volunteer. Some people try to rob banks. Some people donate blood. Some people loot from destroyed homes. Some people give what money, clothes, or food that they can. Some people horde everything "just in case." Each person's reaction is their way to "control."

My reaction was to go into search and find mode. Frantic calls and texts to the people I care about when these would go out. A trip down into town in a vain attempt to find a friend. Cleaning like a mad woman in case any found friends needed a place to stay. But there was no crying.

Not until today. Not until I saw my friend who I didn't know was alive or dead after the tornado. I saw him, we talked, I went on my merry way. And then, when I reached my home, I cried. I'm not sure what kind of tears they were. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of loss, or maybe all of the above. But there were a lot of them.

Guess I couldn't control them either.

The greatest potential for control tends to exist at the point where action takes place.



                                               ~Loius A. Allen