You Can't Cure Crazy

As much as I would like to believe that everyone has an ability to change and to grow, I'm becoming more and more convinced that some people can't. They're crazy, and you can't cure crazy.

Now, before I go any further, let me just clarify that someone with a mental illness is NOT crazy. Crazy are those people who are able to see what is going on, can recognize problems with a particular situation, yet, for some reason, choose to continue on a destructive path.

I think we all go through crazy phases in our lives. It's part of growing up. But, crazy phases are just that, phases. The crazy is a temporary event that will eventually pass as each of us "comes to our senses." There are those that choose NOT to come to their senses, though. If this was the extent of the problem, it might be irritating, but not necessarily damaging. The problem with crazy people, though, is this--If you don't agree or cater to their craziness, they will do all in their power to tear you or your life down. If their life is chaos, so must yours be in order for them to feel "normal."

Instead of trying to help these people, in order to save yourself, you have to cut off the crazy. This won't be the popular choice; and just like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum, the yelling and screaming will increase temporarily. But as you break away from the crazy, as you let the self-destruction take place and don't try to "fix it," you will feel your own strength increasing. You will become a better you.

Because, eventually everyone learns, you can't cure crazy, but you can cure you.

“No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.”



                                                   ~Doug Horton

PlayingTug of War

Have you ever played tug of war? Have you ever been stupid enough to play tug of war with God?

I have. Not that I'm proud to admit it; but, dang it, there are just some things I wanted to make go my way. I figured if I prayed hard enough, explained eloquently enough to God my vision for what I wanted to happen, then He would see the wisdom of my plan.

Surprise, surprise! God won the tug of war. He didn't pull me down in the mud. He didn't drag me to His point of view. He just waited for me to grow weak from struggling against His will and His plan. When finally my will grew weak from all of the straining against Him, God basically said, "Please listen."

I prayed that He would show me His will, but I didn't really want to listen. I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear. But God honored my request, waiting until I was tired enough to listen to what He had to say.

Now, am I happy that my oh-so-brilliant plan wasn't chosen by God. Nope. Closer to heartbroken. But, I do have enough faith in my Lord to know that, whatever HIS plan for me is, it will be so much better than anything I could ever dream for myself. I just have to be strong enough to wait and see what that plan is.

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”



                                                        ~Mother Teresa

T-Shirt Wisdom

Okay, I must admit, I'm a bit of a sucker for funny t-shirts. Especially on dreary days.





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(NoiseBot.com)(NoiseBot.com)

Just Laugh

Sometimes, when things don't look so bright, you just have to remember to laugh.

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”

                                                     ~Mark Twain

My Life as an Adam Sandler Movie

So, today, when telling one of my friend's a story about something that just happened, she made the comment that it was like something out of a bad soap opera or an Adam Sandler film.

This got me thinking about a couple of things: 1) Is my life really that crazy? (YES!), and 2) Which Adam Sandler film would best describe my life at this time?

Well, in my wildest dreams, I'd have 50 First Dates which would eventually lead to me hiring The Wedding Singer. Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck with The Waterboy, Little Nicky, or Airheads, all of whom test my Anger Management skills. I'd be so happy with a Big Daddy or a Mr. Deeds, but finding such a man is like trying to find the one peanut in a bowl of Mixed Nuts. And trying to communicate is like speaking Spanglish to a deaf man. I know it may sound like I'm Going Overboard, but, I promise, I don't let this Reign Over Me. There are just days when I wish I could Click the channel and skip at least Eight Crazy Nights. But, if I can't do that, I'll make sure my friends are Funny People and put myself to sleep with some happy Bedtime Stories.

"It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys."

                                       ~ Longfellow Deeds
                                         (Adam Sandler in Mr. Deeds)

Random Quotes

These just spoke to me today.

“Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about.”

“Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.”

If Only...

"If only... " A very scary phrase. The words are normal enough, but the meaning of the phrase can lead to real problems.

"If only everything was perfect."
"If only he would listen to me."
"If only I had more time in the day."

There will always be "If only's." Life isn't perfect, so we will always want more. Problems arise, though, when our desire for more leads to inertia. We can dwell on what would make life perfect, but that will never LEAD to a perfect life.

So, I'm going to do my best to leave the scary stuff to the Halloween fanatics and say "If only..." a little less and "I will..." a little more.

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”



                                                                                        ~ Og Mandino

Ssssshhhhh! Don't Tell!

I am officially calling a MHM (Momma's Hypocrite Moment) on myself tonight. As I sit here and look at the time (11:36 p.m. if you were wondering), I realize how much more I need to complete before class tomorrow. Now, this would not be SUCH a big deal if I had not just informed my son, less than 6 hours ago, that he needed to better budget his time in order to complete his homework AND get a decent night's sleep.

Hmmm, yeah, weeeellll.... I'd love to say I had a perfect excuse, but I don't. Basically, what I have is life filled with a lot of joy and running. As such, sometimes I don't keep myself as organized as I should.

So, what should I do about the itty-bitty MHM I had earlier tonight. I say if you, don't tell I won't; and, hopefully, my son will learn better organizational skills than me.

"Do as I say, not as I do."

                      ~All parents



Busy is a Blessing

I recently read in one of my text books a very profound sentiment: Instead of busy women lamenting how much must be done in a given day, they should rejoice for how many blessings they have in their lives.

Now, that statement is paraphrased, and it was not written in reference to poorer women who are busy trying to keep food on the table. The opinion was in reference to the "middlers"--soccer moms, professionals, wives, sisters, daughters--all of whom have about 30+ items on their to-do lists on any given day. At times, those to-do lists seem to be "I'm done! Stick a fork in me!" lists--to much to do and not enough time. But here's the thing, when we look at any one item on that list of things to do, would we really want to give up the blessings associated with that item?

For instance, I'm sitting here looking at my list for tomorrow. There are about a half dozen items pertaining to work, another couple having to do with school and three or four dealing with my children. (To be honest with you, I'm pretty sure my kid items will increase before the night is out.)

Now, I could cross off  the job items if I just gave up my job. Besides my love for food and having a house (both of which require money from my job), I love my work. My work is not something I want to give up, even if it can be a pain in the butt sometimes. And then there's school. Granted, papers and projects are not things that makes me go, "Oh YEA!!!!"; but, those are the necessary evils of going back to school in a field that excites me. The last and final group of items revolve around my children. Let me go on record to say that, if I lost my job, it would be hard, but I would manage. If I had to drop out of school, I'd be disappointed, but oh well. If I lost my children, a part of me would be lost, and I would only be a shadow of the person I am now. I don't care how many items end up on my list when it comes to my babies, because my babies deserve the best.

So, busy is a blessing. Sometimes in the rush of it all, it might not seem that way. And I feel fairly confident that I will, at some point in time in the near future, utter some curse word regarding one or more of the items on my list. But, in a calmer moment, I'll be able to count all the blessings I have.

" Busy is an opportunity, not a dirty word."

~Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.

Wait

I never pray to God for patience. Mainly because I know He would give me trials to overcome in order to gain said patience. So, now, I'm calling "FOUL," as my patience is being tested without my consent.

It seems, just from my unscientific observations, that I've been given a lot to be patient about right now--the same stuff I've been asked to be patient about time and time again-- and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I mean, come on! I'm not Job! (Thank goodness since I have always thought Job got a raw deal.) So, why, exactly am I being asked to be patient AGAIN?

At this point in my life, I've pretty much given up on immediate gratification. But, being asked to wait for something over and over and over and over again is getting a bit old. I'M getting a bit old, and I need more than just the same old "tomorrow" promises.

I want the here and now. I don't expect perfection, but, dadgumit, I do expect immediacy! I'm over the "wait."

I can imagine few things more trying to the patience than the long wasted days of waiting.



                                      ~Robert Falcon Scott

Passionate

I love reading my textbooks. There. I admitted it. What does this make me? "A nerd." you say.  Well, yes. But I prefer to think of myself as passionate.

Passion seems to have made a second appearance in my life. My work and classes are exciting to me. My friendships are fulfilling. My discussions surrounding religion and politics can become heated, but in a good way. My children and their development continue to surprise and amaze me.

So, I will gladly accept the label of "nerd" as long as I'm allowed to add the adjective "passionate" in front of it. Because, at this point in my life, that is the adjective that best describes me and my experiences.

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of potential -- for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints; possibility never.”



                                      ~Soren Kierkegaard

Needed Faith

Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage;

be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy

God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

  ~ Joshua 1:9

I'm Melting! Melting!

I always felt that the Wicked Witch of the West got what was coming to her. She was mean and nasty, green and ugly, and overall a really grouchy and unhappy person. But after spending several hours in the Alabama sun watching my daughter cheer and my son play football, I have a new-found sympathy for the woman.

It was hot today. Let me re-phrase that, it was BLISTERING today. Especially since we were sitting on concrete bleachers that felt as if they had been recently transplanted to the stadium from the surface of the sun.

Now, you might want to ask, why in the world were there scrimmage football games held in Alabama in August during the heat of the day?  Instead of, oh, I don't know, say NIGHT TIME? Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is that I will no longer watch the Wicked Witch melt without a sliver of sympathy running through my soul for her.

You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I'm going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!

                                       ~Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)

Murphy, I SO Don't Need You Now

Ah, Murphy. I thought I had escaped your notice, but I was wrong. Maybe it was my arrogant lack of concern for you recently. Maybe it was my distracted demeanor. For whatever reason, you obviously felt the need to make your presence known.

On the day both of my babies start new schools; on the day that one decides to ride the bus instead of having momma walk her in; on the day that the long dreaded middle school years start, this is the day that you would visit my trusty ol' Honda.

Now, granted my CRV has 225,000+ miles on it. Granted I'm not a mechanic and don't have a clue on how to do all the little mechanic tricks to take care of a car's engine. But, may I ask why exactly you felt the need to mess with my coils, my cylinders, my plugs (OH MY!)? Would it not have been enough for you just to have had one of my tires get low or have my battery need replacing? Did we really have to go into the $400+ range in repairs?

I really don't think so, Murphy. I do believe this is what is called "overkill," and I hope you are thoroughly ashamed of yourself!

~ If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Little Prayers

As exciting as recent changes in my life are--watching my children start a new school year, watching ME start a new school year--these changes have led to some serious stress in my life.

School for my kids means new clothes, school supplies and extracurricular activity fees. For me, school means tuition, micro-scheduling my life and a serious case of the nerves. Juxtapose all of that with the "normal" stressors of my life, and it tends to weigh me down. Weighing me down to a point where tears are plentiful and I can feel out of control. That is, until I begin saying my little prayers.

It's amazing how the same amount of stress can seem so much less when I pray my little prayers. Nothing fancy or eloquent or profound. Usually they are one sentence prayers, such as "God give me guidance." or "God, please just let what You want to happen happen." But, with just little prayers, my heavy load gets lighter.

“For no prayer's unanswered and no prayer unheard.”

Something So Trivial

I had to work late tonight. It was our monthly family support meeting with our kids and their foster parents. Watching the different children interact with each other is always an educational experience.

Tonight I watched a friendship nearly implode over a hit with a padded bat-like toy. The hit wasn't intended to hurt. It did. The friend who landed the painful blow hadn't been careful. So, the hurt friend was upset but was willing to forgive.  He felt the need to vent his frustration at his friend's lack of consideration, though, which might have been the end of it if his offending friend had not made the following statement: "Why are you getting so upset over something so trivial?"

WOW! That did it. Although the physical blow had hurt, it was nothing to the emotional blow felt by that kid tonight. "Something so trivial." His friend -- his best friend -- had discounted what he was feeling. Had essentially dismissed him as a person.

Now, do I believe that the other friend understood that was what he was doing? Nope. Do I think the child cared that he had hurt his friend? Yep. But, this young man was feeling some guilt, some frustration, and was feeling more than a little like an animal backed into a corner. And, just like a trapped animal, this child came out fighting for his life--at least his emotional life.

At the end of the day, the friends came to an understanding. A little cool with one another, with more than a little trust lost, but still friends. Both know they could have handled the situation better, but neither were willing to say the other one was in the right. Will their friendship heal? I certainly hope so. But, if nothing else, I hope both of them have learned just how important "trivial" things can be.

“A warrior takes responsibility for his acts, for the most trivial of acts. An average man acts out his thoughts, and never takes responsibility for what he does.”



                                             ~Carlos Castaneda

Letting Go

In my job, one of the hardest thing I have to do is tell my kids that they have to "Let go."

Letting go of pain and hurt and disappointments. Letting go of fantasies of perfect families and perfect selves. Letting go of all the negative which destroys them from the inside out.

It's one of the hardest things to do to tell someone else to "Let go." It's a thousand times harder to take one's own advice. To let go of old dreams that no longer have a chance of coming true. To let go of hope that only causes one to hurt. To let go of plans that lead you down the wrong road.

Letting go is hard. Necessary at times, but hard nonetheless.

“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”



                                      ~Thomas Hardy


“When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.”



                                     ~Rabindranath Tagore

My Baby

I keep thinking to myself that my baby is getting kinda big, but no big deal. He's still my baby.

Today, when I went to pick up my son's schedule for middle school, I had to question my thought process on this point. My baby is going to middle school. He'll be 12 at the end of the month. He has little girls thinking HE IS CUTE!!! My baby isn't a baby anymore.

So, I am now dealing with a shift in my thought process. I'm not sure how that is going. I think I'll just pretend it isn't happening right now and deal with it more tomorrow. One can only take so much reality in a day!

Son, you outgrew my lap, but never my heart.               
                                            ~Author Unknown

My Dishwasher--A Snapshot of My Life

So, I've come to understand something about myself. If you look at my dishwasher at my dirty dishes, you can usually figure out what's going on in my life at any point in time.

For instance, right now, my dishwasher is full of coffee cups. Not a few. A LOT! What this means is that my life remains busy with me staying up late and getting up early in order to keep up.

There have been times when my dishwasher has been mostly pots and pans and mixing bowls. Usually this means I'm in the homebody, entertaining mood. I'm wanting to make suppers in which Martha Stewart would take pride.

Now, if my dishwasher is full of dirty plates, forks and glasses, this means that all is normal in my little domestic world. Kids are running, mom is running and the dishwasher wasn't turned on as planned.

My life reflected in my dishwasher. I'm just not sure what to make of that one.

"Want to load the dishwasher?... I'd be thrilled."

                           ~Lines from the Big Chill

Tennis Elbow

This might sound like a silly question, but can you get tennis elbow from Wii Tennis?

See, I rediscovered the joys of Wii this weekend. A little Wii tennis in the air conditioned indoors was incredibly fun. (Real tennis in 95 degree heat outdoors wouldn't be quite as much.) The down side to this fun is the fact that I woke up with a sore arm this morning. Now, I'm not at the point where I'm popping Advil like candy, but I am aware of several of my arm muscles. More aware than I would like to be.

So, I'm now dealing with a moral dilemma. Do I continue with the Wii tennis, or do I move on to some other fun and exciting indoor activity? What am I thinking?! If I don't play tennis I'd have to clean house. Moral dilemma solved!

“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.”



                                           ~Erma Bombeck